Busted the Wynn $600 after several hours of being utterly card dead and pretty much playing only one hand all morning which I lost. Never mind, I'm used to it going that way and when it does I'm actually not surprised or even disappointed, which of course is not to say I'm joyous. It's just the way it goes. Despite the next paragraph, I'm actually feeling pretty OK...
The rest of the day off gave me some time for self reflection and rest before the WSOP tomorrow. Some might say that self reflection for me isn't such a good thing, and they may well be right, but there it is anyway. It's funny that in a city with so many parties, nightclubs, and people having such an amazing time you can still feel so utterly alone, even when there are friends close by or just a phone call away. A few days back I decided I needed a total break from all "social media", an oxymoron if ever there was one. The detachment feels a bit strange at the moment still, but I'm fairly convinced that it was the right thing to do even though days feel even emptier without it. The odd thing that I watched, read, or spoke to someone about using Facebook, Whatsapp and suchlike would sometimes crack a smile, but mostly to me I guess it was just a reminder of either how pointless a way to spend time it is, or more often that I just make very bad people choices, and somehow I always hope they'll turn out to be as good as I want them to be. They almost inevitably fail, and have in recent years on about 7 occasions. That either means I've got some unrealistically high standards when it comes to the people I have in my life, or maybe that I just ultimately come out of a lot of encounters feeling used and like it wasn't worth the trouble that I put myself through to begin with. People are complicated, very often are selfish when it comes down to it, and they almost always end up letting you down and showing you how unimportant you really are when it matters most because they put themselves first. Hey. Everyone's just trying to get by, so I understand. It's still not easy sometimes though.
Of course there is a third possibility. It could be all me. Something I'm certainly not willing to discount. I've got plenty of exes and ex-friends who I'm sure can wax lyrical for ages if asked about what hard work I am as a person, and how they are well rid of me nowadays. I guess we're all different. I guess I think I'm a good person, and I'd hope for all my faults some of them would at least concede that point, even if begrudgingly. Maybe I just overthink everything, and that what makes my day to day life such hard going sometimes. Interesting that the other day I had dinner with two pals who chatted at length about their kids and how their lives are changed and enriched by the experience of fatherhood. It was about 15 minutes into them talking to one another that I realised I'd been sitting there the whole time with absolutely nothing to contribute to the conversation whatsoever. Food for thought indeed I guess.
Christ that was a heavy going paragraph. Sorry. Not really into soul-baring, but I was typing so there it is. I'm nothing if not honest.
In the spirit of repeatedly convincing myself I'm not the spawn of the devil, I spent the remainder of today doing stuff for other people, probably an attempt to make myself feel a bit better as a person. I bought a pal of mine an inflatable lounger for his swimming pool as a gift, and rather heroically decided that blowing it up by hand myself would be just as easy as buying an inflator. An hour and fifteen minutes later the job was done, and I was laying on the kitchen floor clutching my chest and turning blue. I decided to treat it as a form of cardio. I tested the finished product out with a paddle, and promptly capsized it in the pool and drenched myself when I tried to get too clever on it. I'm amazed I had the air left in my lungs to swim ashore, however I managed it, and moved onto good deed number two.
I then cooked two different curries over the next 2 hours, one chicken and chick-pea with medium spices and lime, pepper and mushroom flavoured couscous instead of rice as a healthier option for a few of my close LV friends. 3 boxed up Tupperware portions are now in the fridge ready for delivery tomorrow. Also a slightly sinister looking extra hot and spicy veggie version for my pal Mark who is on a bit of a health food kick but is also a serious chilli head. That one is in Tupperware also but since it contains four whole Habanero peppers, last I looked I'm convinced it was trying to eat it's own way slowly through the plastic. I tried it and it was nice but too hot for me, and I'm certainly no slouch when it comes to chillies.
So. Night at home. Cooked, rested, swam a bit, and tomorrow back into the fray at the Rio. No more of this girly chit chat. Just stories of how AK can't beat A6, and how someone will tell me they know I'm ahead, but call for their tournament life anyway. Fun times. Off to bed x