Whilst not a believer in something as ambiguous as the concept of luck (form being quite different, see my earlier post), when it's on you, it's most definitely on you. It has felt a lot so far like at some point this crappy run has to turn around, and yet it stubbornly hasn't. I stay positive, keep doing what I know are generally the right things to be doing, and yet more of the same happens. It's demoralising, not fun to read about, and even less fun to experience. But, you keep pushing, because, well, what's the alternative? This has been a bad run going over a collection of events in a few weeks. A WSOP like this for 2-3 months would be terrible.
Why am I saying this? More to the point why am I saying it again?
Yesterday was another dire experience for me. Not a scheduled tournament, just more random stuff on the trip that refuses to go right. I'm not going to wail and cry about it. It's just a shitty run, and that's that. I'm certainly big and ugly enough to see it for what it is, and just move forward. I bump into a pal in one of the casinos, and he asks me to come aside for a chat for a few minutes. The chat is prefaced by him asking how I'm doing. Of course, the info all is here on the website so I don't labour the point. I simply say it's been a bad trip. He then tells me his news.
A mutual friend has just passed away very suddenly. I'm not going to go into specifics, as this is very fresh. Just suffice to say that a few days ago I was chatting and laughing with this person, and now that will never happen again. It's a big shock, and very upsetting. I wasn't a super close friend with this person, but we were friends. It makes me think of the final time I saw them, and what we said. They were somebody I was always pleased to see and chat to, and in poker that is not nearly as common as you might think.
None of this affects my game or what I'm doing, and that's not the point of the post. It's just a very sad piece of news. However I guess it does make me think a lot about perspective, and what's actually important in life. It certainly isn't poker, or money. My trip isn't going great for me. I'm not cashing in tournaments. The person I used to regularly joke and laugh with, is now someone I'll never see or speak with one more time. Just like that, in the blink of an eye. To me that makes my bad run this trip pretty insignificant by comparison, and saddens me a great deal.
I'm a pretty strange animal. Not always easy to work out or be close to. I have my thoughts and views, and a lot of the time they aren't running in line with the rest of the planet. That's no bad thing, but life for me, and I guess for everyone else is less than straightforward. I'm very principled about what I think is right and wrong in the way you treat people, and I know not everyone either agrees with, or exercises this code of conduct. I've got plenty of regrets going back over the years about my bad decisions, relationships, mistakes, life choices, things I've said and done. I guess we all have. I've shut more than an insignificant number of people out of my life over time because I'm hurt, stubborn, damaged, believe I'm wronged, or whatever. I'm very bad at forgiveness, and pretty much never give nor expect second chances, but it's who I am. I'm not proud of it. Also conversely some people decided (maybe rightly) that their lives were much better without me in it, and maybe that's true, maybe not. Who's to say? People are selfish, angry, hurtful, deceptive, caring, sweet, thoughtful, funny, kind. We all have plenty of good and bad in us. I try to go with the good whenever I can nowadays, but it's often far from straightforward, yet who said life was going to be straightforward?
Just try to be a decent person. Being an asshole is easy to do, and it's normally the choice of the overwhelming majority. Being kind and good is harder, but more rewarding in the end even if the rewards aren't immediately obvious. If you care about someone, tell them you care, or better yet, show them. Drop the line, pick up the phone, take an extra 30 seconds before leaving the house, whatever. You might not always agree with their path in life, or their mindset, in fact they might annoy the crap out of you sometimes. Relationships change, finances change, jobs change, people change. Take the time to say something nice, it might make all the difference to someone else. Some bad things you also can't ever really undo or unsay, but you only get one life. When it's gone, it's gone, and regret I think is maybe the biggest loss of all by far. I've got tonnes of it, but I'm trying, and hopefully getting better bit by bit. Poker is just poker. There's always another tournament to play.